How To Get Happy Feet

WHICH bit of their anatomy are men most terrified of having to show the GP? Apart from the obvious, that is?

Answer: Their feet. Whenever I see a bloke complaining of ingrowing toenails, or verrucas, or athlete’s foot, it’s always the same.

As they whip off their Bart Simpson socks, they blush and say, “Sorry they honk a bit, doc.”

No wonder my postbag’s full of letters from women begging me to cure their partner’s smelly feet.

So if your plates whiff like they need to go in the dishwasher, what can you do? Read on.

One of the main causes of smelly feet is sweat. Our feet produce gallons of the stuff. It’s there to lubricate our soles. So it might stop your feet cracking up. But it won’t stop your partner doing the same.

The sweat encourages germs to grow – and germs plus sweat equal a relationship-threatening pong.

Our footwear doesn’t help much, either. It stops the sweat evaporating.

So, at the end of the day, you’re left with a soggy, germ-infested mess. No wonder people faint when you take off your shoes.

Step one is to take a long, hard look at your shoes and socks. A peg on the nose might help.

You need shoes that let your feet breathe – leather is best. And don’t rely on one trusted pair.

Trainers? Be careful – you might as well wear plastic bags on your feet. Get rid of your oldest pair before they run out of the house on their own.

Washable insoles are a good idea too – use a different pair each day.

What about your socks? Ban nylon – wool, cotton or a mix of the two absorb moisture better. And again, you need to change them daily.

Let’s hope you got plenty for Christmas. Anything else? Give your feet the once over.

Cracks between the toes, or small pits in the soles, can be a sign of fungal or bacterial infection – try antifungal creams from the chemist, or get your doc to take a look.

Treating these infections will make your feet smell – and look – much better. And if they really do sweat buckets, try a powerful antiperspirant, such as 20 per cent aluminium chloride.

It’s available over-the- counter – just follow the instructions carefully. Give your feet a bit of tender loving care too.

Use a pumice stone to file down hard skin and moisturise any rough or cracked areas. Wash them every day, of course, and dry thoroughly.

Keep this up and your feet will be transformed.

See what your partner thinks – turn the lights down low, top up the wine glasses and suggestively slip off your shoes and socks.

If the reaction is turn-on rather than chuck-up, you’re probably winning.

Here is a five-point plan to ensure the 2009 means new feet:

• New shoes and trainers
• Lots of socks
• Insoles
• Pumice stone
• Foot moisturiser